Her Gift - Her Curse, chapter one
by: Yours truly~

This was originally posted up on fanfiction.net... but I decided to put it here anyways--one more back up in case anything gets lost ^_^;;

Her Gift – Her Curse

Disclaimer (for the entire fic): I don't own anything you recognise from JKR's Harry Potter.

A/N: This fic is A/U… just a warning for those who don't like A/U fics. It'll mainly be in the first person (Lily's POV), but changes will be obvious.

—×Chapter One×—

He was advancing. Manic laughter could be heard. A family of wizards were to be killed this night. Death would be upon them. They could not escape. There was no one there to help them. A flash of green could be seen. Screams could be heard. Then, silence. Laughter echoed all around, piercing the aura of death. He'd struck again.

"NO!" I heard myself scream. I sat bolt upright. It'd happened again. I could feel cold sweat all around my body. "No…" I whispered under my breath. "Not again…"

I threw off my covers and ran out of my room. Luckily I was chosen to be Head Girl, so I could have my own dorm. If anything like this happened – which it did, very often, no one else would be awoken by my screams. Was this the reason Dumbledore picked me as head girl? I didn't stop to think about it. I felt my legs taking me somewhere, but my mind was elsewhere.

My mind was back to my 'dream'. I reached a gold statue of an eagle. "Pumpkin juice." I said breathlessly. I'd been running down four corridors and three floors, and I was out of breath. The eagle sprung to life, and turned to reveal a set of magnificent gold stairs. I'd been up those stairs millions of times in my past. I needed to tell Dumbledore about my dream. For a moment, I was worried that I might wake him if I were to go up at this time of…day, but this happened so frequently he must be used to it by now.

And he was. He was waiting for me in his office, sitting behind his desk, smiling behind his half moon glasses. His eyes were serene, unlike mine. Mine were terrified. I should be used to it by now, for I'd seen death in my dreams…or rather, nightmares, before. I was still breathing deeply, unable to get enough air in my system, but I didn't care. "Professor Dumbledore…it's happened again…"

—×—

Streams of sunlight were bursting through my windows. It was morning. I couldn't stop thinking about last night, and the dream again. Thank goodness he didn't kill twice in one night; otherwise I may have died of lack of oxygen. Why Dumbledore didn't situate the Head Girl's dorm nearer his office is beside me. Then again, not many head girls in the past have been like me. The Head Boy's dorm was next door. I looked at the red with gold rimmed door of the bathroom that was separating us – James and I.

Truth be told, he barely knew I existed 'til the beginning of the year when we were made the Head students, but that didn't stop me from noticing him. He was perfection in flesh. Sure, he could be arrogant, big-headed and down right rude at times, but he was still perfect in my eyes, and probably in the eyes of the entire student population of girls who weren't chasing his best friend, Sirius Black.

I knocked cautiously on the bathroom door to see if he may be in there. There was no reply – he wasn't. I opened the door and stepped in. I sighed. He wouldn't be in here anyways. I didn't understand why I bothered. He was always in the Gryffindor common room or in the Gryffindor dormitories with his best friends – Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and the mousey Pettigrew.

I'd never liked him. I didn't know why, but maybe it was my kind of blood that decided that he may not be such an innocent little rat after all. He'd always had a weird aura around him that I couldn't decide what, not even with my sixth sense. I hated those visions. I'd have given anything just to be a normal witch like everybody else. From the day I got my Hogwarts letter six years ago, I was pretty sure it wasn't the same letter that everyone else got. Mine had a special sentence in it, that I was certain no-one else's had. What was the sentence? 'You're a Seer.'

That's right, I'm a seer. The dream wasn't a dream. It was a vision. I always have visions. Visions of when a certain Dark Lord may, or has, or will strike. I have many times spoken to Professor Dumbledore about this. He sometimes helps me through them – kind of like therapy, but it doesn't help. Hardly anything helps me. But that is hardly surprising either. If you were to have nightmares almost every other night about a mass murderer killing innocent families of witches or wizards for pure pleasure, you'd also be rather disgusted, and sick. It twists your mind – the visions. They make you think things. Things that normal people don't. Things like who's the next Death Eater, and actually guess it spot on.

I used to be normal as normal can be. Just an average kid, going to primary school, but when I got my Hogwarts letter, I was taken to meet Professor Dumbledore the very next day. He knew I'd probably end up having these visions, for he knew about Voldemort. He knew about my 'gift', and he'd explained to me about it especially – how I'd be having visions, but I wasn't paying much attention, I was too busy thinking how amazing and unique being a seer was. I was rather excited at first, able to predict the future and so on. I'd thought Divination would be a piece of cake because of this 'gift', and how it'd be rather fun to be able to see what others were thinking, but this 'gift' didn't allow me to see what I wanted. It forced me to search deep into the darkness in my unconscious mind, where all my visions and senses were stored. I could only sense darkness, and that was tearing me apart.

I hated seeing dark. This was what was slowly driving me into insanity. I became a loner. I didn't want anyone to help me through this, because they'd be part of the pain too, and I didn't want them to feel that pain. It was unbearable for me alone, and I was a seer. Imagine what it'd do to others. So I isolated myself from the outside world. You'd always see my nose in a book; always see me alone in the reject area. I didn't make friends. I wanted to so badly, but if I did, I knew I'd somehow end up hurting them with my 'gift'.

You see, this 'gift', to me, is not a gift. It is the worst curse anyone can have. It destroys you slowly, until you have nothing left, no more happiness in your life, and all you see is darkness. Darkness, despair, and sorrow. I hated that. Petunia gave me enough of that when she found out I was a witch. I thought things would be better when I got a few friends in Hogwarts – my school, but no, I couldn't have friends. I wouldn't let them share my pain. I wouldn't tell anyone about my seer powers. If word got out about it to Voldemort, I wouldn't live a day longer and Dumbledore needed me to see where he attacks, so he may send people to help him. The only ones on this planet who know I'm a seer are the teachers at this place. Not even my parents know, but it's just as well.

Sometimes I feel like I'm being used to save others, I don't mind that, but if I have to go through this much torture, I'd rather not. I knew this was being selfish, but no one knew what I was going through, and I wouldn't let them help me. Sometimes, not even Dumbledore.

I heard the door open next door. James was back. I hurriedly finished brushing my teeth, and washed my face, then ran back to my room, and closed the bathroom door as quickly as I could. I slumped down on the floor, my back rested against the bathroom door. I couldn't face him right now. I couldn't face anyone right now. I didn't want him to see me like this, in my weak state. I don't know if he's ever noticed how worn out I look, and I feel sad because he doesn't notice. I hate to think that he doesn't notice, but it's better that way.

I don't know if he's ever noticed me staring at him in class for hours on end, but I hoped he hasn't, otherwise he may not permit me to do so any more. Why stare at him? Because he's the only thing keeping me alive; knowing he's there, seeing his perfection, his smile, his eyes, watching him mess up his gorgeous ebony hair. It's what keeps me sane, knowing that maybe one day, he might notice me. Maybe one day, when I'm not going to put anyone else in danger, I can get him to notice me.

I sighed as I glanced toward a pile of letters on my bed-side table. Maybe he wasn't the only thing. I walked up and picked up a letter.

Lily Dear,

Your father and I are truly proud of you for getting Head Girl. You deserved it, after all your effort and hard work. We think about you every day. Keep up your high standards, and always remember how much we love you.

Your Parents.

I smiled. My parents had always been there for me through thick and thin. I'd even thought about telling them I was a seer, but Dumbledore warned me that if Voldemort got to them… I didn't want to think about that right now. My parents' letters always made me happy, even in my darkest times. They'd never let Petunia get to me. They knew how my older sister was always jealous of my smarts and my magic. To be honest, I'd rather be in her position any day. Not being burdened with seer abilities, but I realised that sometimes, it's better this way. Sure, I didn't like her for her continuous bullying and calling me a 'freak' whenever she was out of earshot of our parents, but I loved her all the same. She was still my sister. Sibling rivalry is in every family, and I'm just no exception. I didn't want her to go through my suffering.

But apart from my mum, dad, and being able to just see James, and breathe the air he'd breathed, there was nothing more for me. I studied hard, trying to keep my mind off visions. Sometimes I was even scared to go to sleep in the evening, just in fear that I may hear more blood-curdling screams, but drowsiness always found me in the end, and I'd wake up drenched in cold sweat, as usual.

I heard a knock on my door, and I went to answer it. The sight before me was enough to stop my breathing altogether. James was stood before me, with a lop-sided grin. I felt my heart skip a beat. My stomach churned unwillingly as I looked into his deep brown eyes, twinkling with amusement. His arms were crossed over his chest. The arms that any girl would die just to be in. His body was toned, after years of Quidditch. It did him good. His hair was still messy, as usual, but that's what I loved about it.

"Hey." He said. His voice was deep. He was so close to me I could feel his breath. I could smell his scent – his intoxicating scent. "Don't forget our first Prefect's meeting tonight, okay?" He finished, and then walked away down the corridor.

I looked at his retreating back. My mind was a mess. James Potter had just spoken to me. My eyes were still wide with disbelief. The most popular guy in school had spoken to me…and grinned at me. I shook myself. I was acting like an eleven-year-old school girl who had just had her first crush, but I realised: six years before, I was an eleven-year-old school girl who had just had her first crush, and had never since gotten rid of that crush. I was beginning to think it was turning out to be more than just a crush, but I couldn't let that happen. It would ruin me for good.

I closed the door. I couldn't believe it. For the first time in seven years, James Potter had noticed me. Was this a good sign? I didn't know. I wasn't sure. In fact, I wasn't sure of anything these days. Even some of my visions had been acting up. I could easily distinguish a dream from a vision, but it was getting harder for me to do so now. I didn't know why. Maybe I was losing power. I would be glad of that. If I lost that power, I wouldn't be a hazard any longer.

I sighed again. My eyes darted to the clock. It was time for breakfast, but I wasn't hungry. My heart was still beating as fast as a humming bird's.

—————————————————————————————————————

"So, Prongs, my man, did you do it?" Sirius asked as James walked into the boy's dorm once again.

"Yeah, and by the look on her face, it's going to be easier than I thought." James smirked.

"You know, you really should play with people's feelings like that, James, especially not that Evans girl. She doesn't look…up to one of your emotional pranks…" A boy with sandy hair and cool grey eyes said from behind a book. "Maybe you should just leave her alone?" Beside him, a short, chubby boy nodded with a little look of fear in his eyes, but he was ignored.

"Aw, Moony! Don't spoil all the fun! It's only a little prank. She can handle it, besides, she's Head Girl; she'll be smart enough to figure it out before she falls for you." Sirius laughed. He had ebony hair, like James, but his was less messy. His eyes had been dancing with delight over the fact that the Marauders were back in pranking business.

James frowned. "Are you saying I can't get a bookworm to fancy me?"

Sirius laughed again. He loved teasing James, and James knew that. They weren't best friends for nothing. "Prove it, Prongs."

"Gladly." James replied, with an unusual glint in his eyes.

—×—

A/N: Did you like it? Or not? A comment would be nice. =]

L8r,

—×Kuri×—